Miss Zombilicious - annorlunda

Loneliness

Again. And again. And another one. While she was walking through the park at 5 a.m. in the morning she met all kinds of people. People coming home from a night out, people walking their dogs, people exercising, people on their way to work. “Damn”, she thought, “where the hell do all these weirdoes come from?” She hadn’t been able to sleep for days because her neighbours existed. The mere fact of their existence drove her crazy. She thought she heard them snoring, she heard them using the bathroom and the worst thing was that she heard them laughing.

She had thought that she could avoid the noises that people make when she moved out of her parents house. She has three cheerful sisters that are always happy. She hated them. She hated them all. The sad people, the happy people. She hates to experience any kind of emotion from another person that she feels forced to reply to. So when she moved into her own place she expected to be left alone. But already on the first day an old lady with a little dog greeted her in the elevator. When she went to the grocery store everyone smiled at her. She had heard that people in big cities are emotionally cold and want to stay anonymous in the big crowd. She hadn’t expected people to react to her.

She has always loved to be on her own. She would rather spend her free afternoons in her room reading than playing outside with her sisters. But her family never gave up and tried to make her interact with other human beings. Her parents signed her up for several art classes that she never went to. They went to theme parks together, they went on holidays, and they baked Christmas cookies together. But nothing helped, none of these things made her happy. She didn’t want to be happy, she wanted to be left alone. Loneliness doesn’t give her happiness but relief.

So when she moved to the big city she searched for the loneliness in the big crowd she has so often heard about. She got a job at the archive of the marine-museum, one of the loneliest places in the whole town. Not many people come down there and if they do they are mostly just lost on the way to the bathroom. But last week she got a new colleague. A young man that studied marine-biology. He was cheerful, just like her sisters. But it was even worse. He made jokes about fish and about plants she has never heard of. She had to react to be polite and that made him think that she liked him. After just two days he asked her out for a date and since then he is asking every day. She could kill him if she wanted to. But she thought it would be a waste of time to even plan a murder on such a doll person.

Violet didn’t care for people. So this morning when she walked through the park she again felt the hate for all the pretenders. She couldn’t imagine that anyone actually was happy or cared to spend time with other human beings. They all must be pretending to be something that they are not. She had never tried to be someone else; she just didn’t care enough for what others thought of her. She hadn’t expected so many people in the park at this hour. So she went straight to her bench. She has one favourite place in the world, a bench that is hidden in the bushes. It doesn’t make much sense to place a bench that is hidden between several bushes but she didn’t care. It was a very lonely place and the thickness of the bushes makes it impossible to be seen or heard.

She sat down and took a deep breath. Finally alone. But then she heard a crack behind her in one of the bushes. Suddenly a man stood in front of her. He looked shabby and was overweight. She could smell alcohol and sweat. She hissed to him “What do you want asshole? This is my place!” He didn’t answers but opened his pants. She didn’t understand what was going on. Every other person in that situation would have run away but she just didn’t understand the danger she was in. He went over to her, pulled a gun and asked her to be quiet. She had to undress and the horrible thing took place. It hurt. But she didn’t cry, she smiled. Now she knew.

Hours later she invited her colleague to a dinner in her apartment. After the meal, she seduced him. She wanted to feel the power over his emotions, she wanted to be the person that made him cry or smile. But it wasn’t as easy as she had imagined. After 30 minutes he ran out of the apartment and she was alone again. Naked and humiliated. The one thing that has given her hope again hadn’t given her the power she had wanted. She had thought that if she could control another person, if she would feel superior, she finally would be able to accept other people’s emotions. But control can always be undermined and she was disgusted by having been so close to another person.

It was then she understood where her fate lied. She needed to be alone. There was nothing that could make her like others. She couldn’t bear it anymore. She opened the window and jumped down. After 13 floors she hit the ground. There she was lying, her naked body covered in blood and her head cracked open. But now she had reached what she had always sought. Loneliness. In eternity.